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Archive for the ‘Family Health’ Category

By Irvin Schorsch, CIMA, CFP, AIF

Money may not be the root of all evil, but it certainly can sow seeds of marital discontent. According to the National Marriage Project at the University of Virginia, perceptions of how well one’s spouse handles money strongly correlates with marital happiness. What’s more, the National Marriage Project cites a study showing that conflict over money matters predicts divorce more than any other type of disagreement. For most men it was the only type of disagreement that would lead to a divorce. For women, money conflicts ranked #1 with sexual infidelity a distant second.

There’s no getting around it, marriage is not only a union of love, but a financial partnership. And while it’s not always clear which comes first: the trouble in the nest or the trouble with the nest egg, what is clear is that for a marriage to succeed, couples need to be in alignment when it comes to spending, saving, risk tolerance and priorities. With that in mind, here are 4 ways to keep the state of your union strong:

Rule #1: Share a Vision

A solid partnership needs a shared vision, so have a heart-to-heart with your partner about life goals, including how much savings and liquidity you need to sleep at night, what college is going to cost for the kids, how long you plan to work and how you envision spending your time in retirement. When you’re both working toward large common goals, you’ll be much more likely to agree on the smaller day-to-day issues such as balancing checkbooks, taking on debt, discretionary purchases and lending money to friends and relatives.

Rule #2: Forsake All Others

Speaking of lending money to friends and family, these types of loans can cause tremendous strain on your marriage – especially if the loan goes bad. One solution is to make it a policy “never a borrower or a lender be.” Another is to have an agreement with your spouse that you will not lend out more than you can afford to lose. Whatever you do, never, ever, lend or give substantial sums of money to others without your spouse’s knowledge.

Rule #3: Shared (or Separate) but Equal

To merge accounts or not to merge accounts? That is the question. While most married couples share joint accounts, about 14% of couples bank separately, according to a 2004 survey commissioned by SmartMoney and Redbook magazines. While there is no one-size-fits-all solution, the important point is that spouses work out an arrangement where they save, invest and pay household expenses as a couple, but still have some discretionary money which they can spend however they desire.

Rule #4: Choose the Best Person for the Job

Every relationship needs a good CFO. What works best for the relationship is when a couple realizes their strengths and weaknesses when it comes to managing finances. Some people are more disciplined and better at managing the money flows and paying the bills. Fortunately for most couples, one partner or the other tends to be more passionate about running the family finances and overseeing the investments. Be sure to choose the best man or woman for the position – whichever one is better skilled at investing and managing money, and who also has the passion to do so. If neither partner is a good candidate for the job, it may be time to outsource! Hiring a professional to take over the family accounting might be the best thing for your relationship, your credit score and your financial future.

Money can be a touchy subject. In fact, many couples would rather talk about almost anything else. However, open communication, transparency, shared goals and a team approach to the handling of money are essential if you want your love – and your money – to grow.

By George Joseph, LCDC

It is often said those who begin to actively participate in addiction, whatever it may be, alcoholism, drug addiction, gambling, sex addiction or any other type of compulsive behavior, stop growing emotionally. I know in my case, I began abusing alcohol and drugs in my teen years and it negatively impacted my emotional growth and ability to communicate my emotions in a positive manner.

With all that said, how does this affect our dealings with those around us prior to recovery and while in active recovery? Obviously during active addiction it makes relationships crazy and almost impossible to maneuver for both those who are addicted and those who care for them.

Those who care for them typically start to become addicted to the addicted person and try any and all things to control and or change them. They think this type of control is to make the addict better, and often it makes the relationship worse. It often enables the addicted person to not hit a bottom and have the possibility of getting well or a complete divorce from the situation. The addict wants to divorce themselves from those who try to hold them accountable so they can continue to foster their addiction. They typically want those who will enable them around during the addiction process.

How about relationships in recovery? These are also very challenging. The addict is programmed to have the active substance or process as the primary focus in his or her lives. What happens in recovery is usually the focus changes to a higher power or God and hopefully to a 12-Step recovery program. This sometimes isolates those who love the addict, and they can become resentful of this change.

It is often reported that 9 of 10 married woman who seek addiction treatment and stay sober for an extended period of time get divorced. Why do you think the divorce rate is so high? My suspicion is that the husband is less likely to get involved in support programs and resents the attention their wives get in and give to their 12-Step programs. Also remember because the addict’s emotional growth was stunted when the active addiction started, they face many challenges for healthy relationships.

I was taught later in my recovery that an intimate relationship should follow the following stages:

* Acquaintance
* Friendship
* Intimacy
* Commitment
* Sex

Most new people in recovery are not familiar with these stages. Most go from acquaintance to sex. There is a joke in recovery, “How do you know 2 people from 12-Step programs are going on a second date together? There is a U-Haul trailer being pulled behind the car since they are ready to move in with the other.”

Addicted people are compulsive and easily go for the quick physical or emotional fix or excited about meeting someone and often miss these steps, thus never setting a good foundation for a healthy relationship.

How do we really get to know each other? I think the popularity of Facebook is because people want to be connected without the verbal communication or time needed to really get to know someone. It is often safer to say things on Facebook or thru email or text because we are afraid of rejection. Addicted people tend to be even more sensitive to rejection than the non-addicted person.

How do we learn to improve relationships while in recovery? The first 4 steps can be applied to all relationships less the sex step for the non-sexual relations. These steps should be followed in order of progression to develop strong and meaningful bonds.

By Ari Brown, MD, FAAP

As a pediatrician who talks with families every day in my office, I know parents want to know more about both vaccine safety and about autism. I’m also a mom. Like you, I need accurate information to protect my kids as best as I can.

It’s important that people have an accurate view of vaccines. Most parents of children with autism agree with the scientific evidence and do not believe that vaccines cause autism.

And, an overwhelming number of healthcare providers worldwide do not believe vaccines and autism are linked. What viewers witnessed on the show was far from the norm.

Also, most parents in this country support vaccinations. In fact, 99.4% of American children under 3 years of age are vaccinated.

I base vaccination decisions for my patients and my own children on science, not anecdotes or conspiracy theories. I’m passionate about vaccinations because I watched a child die from chickenpox – a vaccine-preventable illness. I refuse to let another child become a statistic because of hearsay. I’m compassionate towards families whose children have autism, because I have personally walked that road with several patients.

These are the messages that resonate with me, as a parent and a doctor. I hope they will resonate with you.

1. Multiple studies conducted by academic institutions worldwide – which are not funded by pharmaceutical companies – have shown that vaccines do not play a role in autism. Click here for the studies. Vaccine safety concerns have not been ignored. In fact, they have been addressed appropriately.
2. Delaying or selectively choosing some vaccinations has absolutely no benefit and only risk. It does not prevent autism, but leaves the youngest children vulnerable to serious infections. The diseases that vaccines protect against can cause disabling health problems or death – and they are often the most severe in younger children. They are not minor illnesses. Click here for a list of the diseases preventable by vaccination.
3. The vaccination schedule recommended by the American Academy of Pediatrics and the Centers for Disease Control has been studied extensively by the most respected group of experts in their field. The time frame provides the safest, most effective way to give certain vaccines together.
4. A 2010 study showed that children whose shots were delayed were just as likely to develop autism as those who were vaccinated on time. As one father on the show said so eloquently, the point of delaying shots seems to be just to make parents feel like they are proactively doing something, but in reality, the decision puts their child at risk.
5. While it was not addressed on the show, the combination measles-mumps-rubella (MMR) vaccine and its association to autism have been debunked. The scare began with a report in a British medical journal in 1998 that was recently retracted. Over the past decade, researchers dutifully tried to duplicate the findings of that report and no one ever could. The question was asked, and it was answered.
6. It’s true – today’s children get more shots than we did as kids. Modern medicine now provides protection against twice as many deadly, disabling diseases. That’s a good thing! For instance, there is now protection against three different forms of bacterial meningitis. Infectious diseases are everywhere. No one can predict when a child will be exposed. And, even in the era of modern medicine – when someone becomes infected with a vaccine-preventable disease, it is usually too late or there is nothing to treat the infection. Prevention is key.
7. Parents, healthcare providers, and researchers all seek answers for autism spectrum disorders. We will be most successful by working together with the same goal – to discover the true causes of autism.

My advice to parents is to examine the scientific evidence for themselves. Your child’s health is too important to base decisions on inaccurate information. Seek reliable sources for medical information. Go to the American Academy of Pedriatrics website and talk to your child’s doctor. As pediatricians, many of whom are parents too, we vaccinate our own children to protect them. We wouldn’t do anything differently for your child.

For more information on autism, visit HealthyChildren.org.